Accountability Is a VERY GOOD Thing

 I tend to share the good things, not so much the bad or ugly. Okay, well MAYBE sometimes I do, but it's time. Yesterday was the 16 year anniversary of my bio mother's death. She was 60 years old, and she gave birth to me when she was 16. I'm 59, and will turn 60 in July. More and more lately, I ask myself questions I can't answer, and the pandemic has me losing track of things.

Very early in my relationship with Shilo, I encouraged him to write a journal so he could express himself, and over the past 7+ years, it has evolved along with our relationship and marriage. It started as a communication tool, and has mostly become an accounting of his activity. I rarely comment, but I do read it. It makes "Remember when?" conversations a whole lot easier.

This is an introduction to what will become my daily journal. I'm not going to announce this fact to others. In fact, I prefer that this is discovered by people who prefer the mundane and boring aspects of my life. So, I started writing this entry at 3:45AM PST partially because I couldn't sleep. it's my own fault. I've been feeling crummy lately, and took a loooong nap around 4PM yesterday, so of course I can't sleep!

Okay, here goes!

It was well past midnight when I finally watched SNL on the DVR.  I wasn't always a fan of it, but I've been watching it on a semi-regular basis over the past few years.  I also played both "Lily's Garden" and "Penny & Flo: Finding Home." Both games are made by Tactile, a company in Denmark.  Both of them have an interesting storyline, and Sunshine likes the video games associated with it. I tend to get more involved with the story. About 3:15, I left the comfort of the couch to put dishes in the dishwasher, and realized it was already almost full, so it's running while I'm writing. It will have to be emptied and refilled before I can even think about joining Shilo in bed.  Speaking of Shilo, he said something last night that rubbed me the wrong way, and I voiced my displeasure. Once I expressed my displeasure, I went about my evening.  I tend to not hold grudges very long, especially with Shilo and Stitch. I mean, we live together, and it's not conducive to any of us if grudges are held . Unfortunately for Shilo, he's one of those people who WILL hold a grudge and stay angry for a long while, and his silence and sullen moods are things I deal with on a too-regular basis. Stitch is more like me when it comes to anger or displeasure. He does it, he'll feel bad, apologize if necessary (or I will apologize) and we're back to being okay.

A strange/funny thing about Shilo is that he will white knight on behalf of Stitch, but he forgets that I will tell him (Shilo) my feelings about something just so I can work through it and then move on.  It's not like I have an active  social life anymore. It's mostly just the 3 of us, Donna Dawg-Lass, and Buddha the cat. Sunshine comes and goes as she sees fit, and then there's "E" my sister with dementia, and she seems to be falling further down the rabbit hole, but she knows to call me if and when she needs a reality check. 

Yes, I'm polyamorous, and I do have my boyfriend "B" and a casual loving relationship with a transgender woman (Let's call her "T") that I knew prior to all the changes (When "she" was "he") but getting to see "B" hasn't been easy, and the last time I saw "T" was in early 2020 Pre-COVID. I was supposed to be with "B" this weekend but his wife got food poisoning, so it will wait. I do have plans to see "T" later in the month after she gets her second vaccine.

I just emptied the dishwasher, and will reload it after I finish this. It's 5AM right now. I type slowly. 

Anyway, before I filled the dishwasher, I made an Activity Chart for Shilo and myself. It's just a list of things we have to do (taking  a walk, etc) and we initial in the box corresponding to the day we do it. Shilo might not like it, but having something to account for myself will make me more likely to do things. Let's see how it goes.

I think I'll reload the dishwasher and head to bed.