Wednesday February 10 Diary (The Things I Do For Love)

Sometime after singing with Shilo, I woke up and watched the 2 episodes of Colbert on the DVR and then deleted them. I fell back asleep around 7AM,  and Shilo got up at 12:30, and shortly thereafter my phone rang and it was "E." Once again, she wanted beer. I was ready to pee my pants when she called, so I dragged the phone into the bathroom with me while telling her that I just dropped off a 12 pack yesterday. It had actually been a little while since I had seen Shilo naked, so I gently stroked his butt while I was talking to her and peeing.  I reassured her that I would be coming over after I took care of getting Shilo to PT. 

I brushed my teeth, applied a little bit of Poligrip on my retainer, put my retainer on, had some tea, and some Cheerios with freeze-dried strawberries for breakfast. Unfortunately, the Poligrip did not do any good, and I had cereal and freeze dried strawberries all stuck underneath the retainer. I pulled the retainer off to clean it, and discovered just how disgusting Poligrip really is, and I vowed to never use it again. I mean that shit was stuck all up in my mouth and on my gums and it just felt so gross I wanted to puke.

No time to puke of course, because I had to get dressed and take Shilo to PT. Once I dropped Shilo to PT, I went back home and got dressed properly so I could take care of other business. Going downstairs, I bumped into my downstairs neighbor "M" and we started talking about her dog and her kids, and I kind of lost track of time, and then realized I really had to get back to Shilo so I could take him to the bank and bring him home. When I got to him, he was very tired looking, and he said that he was a bit worked up and sore. I told him to give me the check and his card and I would deposit the check in the ATM for him. I didn't want to use the drive through because it's faster to walk up to the ATM in front of the bank. I dropped him off at the house, called E, and told her I was on my way. When I got to her place, I did look for the beer I gave her the day before,  but I could not find it. I'm still not sure what she did with a 12-pack of beer so quickly.

She kept apologizing and I kept telling her it was not a big deal. It's not my job to judge her, and it's not like she's got the memory either. I also asked her for her cellphone, because she had been bugging me about cleaning it out. I told her I'd be back in a few hours with her phone and the laundry she had asked me to do. I went home, cleaned out her phone, and wrote the following note to her to tape to her refrigerator:

Dear "E,"

I do the grocery shopping, beer runs, ice cream pickup, whatever you want whenever you want, and I work hard to keep within the grocery allowance. 

Paying your bills, getting your groceries, and picking up your prescriptions is NOT a burden for me. I consider it an act of service. I am not benefiting from this, and there’s nothing in it for me. Just the peace of mind that comes from knowing your needs are being met, and you have what you want.

Also, because I pay the bills, you NEVER have to worry about anything getting shut off.  However, I do have a list of jobs for you that will make my life easier. 

Here they are:

YOUR JOBS

Take time to relax and breathe.

Call me when you notice you are low on medication.

Call me when you are low on food, beer or supplies.

Call me whenever you are feeling stressed.

Put your mail in the box for me to check

I also made a box for her mail to go into, because every time she gets a bill she worries about it, and I'm the one that's supposed to be taking care of all that. For the record, I am taking very good care of it, it's just that she frequently forgets where she puts the mail.  I went back to her apartment right about 6, and dropped off her laundry, her phone and the box, and I gave her instructions on what I wanted her to do with the box. I also taped the note to her refrigerator, and reassured her that I am not upset with her at all.  I checked her mail for her, and then brought her keys back upstairs. There was no mail in the mailbox.

I made pork chops for dinner with wild rice, and again sat on the couch and cuddled with Shilo to watch TV with him and Stitch. I took my meds while watching the news. After watching the news, I watched Colbert, and then I watched two episodes of "For Life" that were on the DVR. I did WAY too much crying watching them. My blood sugar was 164 at 2:02AM

 After that, I wrote my diary entry for yesterday and posted it, and also did the draft for this. I finally headed to bed about 3:30AM

 

Tuesday February 9 Diary (Expect The Unexpected)

I really had hopes to sleep in, but about 10:15, I heard the click click tap tap and anxious panting of Donna, which could mean only one thing: Stitch left the house without making sure that my bedroom door was closed, and Donna was having separation anxiety and wanting to get to me. I wasn't happy about it, partly because I was SOOO tired, and mostly because I knew very well that Stitch could have snuck out, and he really should have closed my bedroom door.

I went into the bathroom to do my bathroom things, only to discover that she had managed to knock everything over inside the bathtub including the shower chair!  Let me tell you folks, that is not an easy task to do! She had to really work at that one. I tried calling Stitch on the phone, but he never answered. Fortunately, when I checked on Life360, I could see that he was at the local 99 Cent store. That left me with the one choice of putting on my footy jammies and getting into Stitch's bed so she could join me. It took her a bit, but she finally got on the bed. Shilo joined me for a short amount of time, but then it was decided that he would lay on the couch. The bed is too small for the 3 of us!

When Stitch came home an hour later, I went back to bed for a little while. It was day one of Stitch's  two days off, and I had planned on just having a relaxing day. It didn't work out that way. Right about noon, "E" called me asking me to drop off some beer. I told her I would be by later on. I don't mind dropping off beer for her, I don't mind shopping for her, I just mind the fact that she always seems to call me when I'm trying to get extra rest. Being older sucks!

Having given up on trying to sleep, I went to boil some eggs for a tuna salad for later on, and then sat on the couch and cuddled with Shilo to watch TV.  20 minutes later, I made the tuna salad and had a sandwich. It was really good. The whole catalyst for this tuna salad sandwich was the news reports about Subway and their tuna sandwiches. No, I've never had any of the so-called fake tuna sandwiches from Subway, but it had been quite a while since I had eaten a tuna salad sandwich, so it was time. I made a point to eat the sandwich at my desk, because Shilo can't stand the smell of tuna. Once I was finished, I rejoined him on the couch.  Right about 2, "E" called me again and asked for beer. Apparently she had forgotten that she had called me earlier to ask for beer. I reminded her that I was going to be dropping by after 5, and that it was supposed to be my day of rest, but as you can suspect, rest was nowhere to be found. 

Right about 5, I tossed on some clothes, drove to Albertsons, and bought four 12 packs of Mountain Dew, some Poligrip for my retainer, and I wandered around the store looking for "Its Delish" brand seasonings.  I know they sell it at Vons, which is a few miles away from Albertsons, but I was feeling kind of lazy and didn't want to drive all the way out there if I could avoid it. I finally had to give up, so I paid for my purchases, put them in the car, and drove to "E's" place, and gave her a 12-pack of beer. When I left, I drove to Vons to get the seasonings I wanted. Before I drove to Vons, I sent a text to Shilo to see if he wanted me to get him anything. I checked my phone before I walked into the store, found and bought the seasonings, and when I got into my car, my phone pinged with a text from Shilo asking me to get him

mustard. I texted him back telling him that I had already gone into the store and come back out again but that I would go back in again and get some mustard. While I was back inside the store, I also bought frozen beef taquitos for dinner for him and Stitch, because I wasn't feeling much like eating anything or even cooking for that matter.

When I got home, I put the taquitos in the oven, and sat back down and watched TV with Stitch and Shilo, and when the food was ready, I made sure they got what they wanted, and I sat and watched TV with them some more. Right about 10, I took my meds and went to bed. I think I fell asleep pretty quickly, because I don't remember when Shilo came to bed, but after I woke up to use the bathroom again, we both sang "Build Me Up Buttercup" for a little while, and then I fell asleep again.

 

Monday February 8 Diary (Doctor Visit)

I keep thinking about how nice it is on those rare occasions when I fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow. Even when I can barely keep my eyes open while sitting on the couch, the minute I move into the bedroom, I have trouble falling asleep.

When I posted my blog entry (around 2:30AM) I noticed a message for a group forum I moderate, so I went there to check it out.  I'm glad I did, but I spent nearly an hour there before I finally went to bed.  It was almost 5AM before I successfully fell asleep.  I woke up at 10:15 and read the news on my phone apps, and right about 11, Stitch came into the bedroom to make sure I was awake.  

 

Did my bathroom stuff, and while waiting for the coffee to brew, (Thank you Stitch!) took my blood sugar (187) Not bad at all, but not perfect. Sat down at the computer for an initial draft of this, and finally had breakfast around noon. I had a regular Doctor appointment set for after I dropped Stitch off at work. Breakfast was reheated chicken egg rolls along with the coffee that Stitch made for me. I managed to make it taste better than when they were originally cooked. Once finished, I took a shower, washed my hair, and left to take  Stitch to work at 1:33. 

 

  

On the drive there, I suddenly had an urge to use the bathroom NOW! I quickly found a parking spot to use the bathroom where he works only to find out they did not have any toilet seat covers. I made do with toilet paper, and was out by 2. Drove to Winco to get beer for "E" and bought five 12 packs of cans for her (I keep them in the trunk and bring them to her when she asks for it) and 20 tortillas. Arrived at doctor's office 2:40 and they now keep the door locked, so I had to knock and wait for them to let me in. My weight was 192 fully clothed, and my blood pressure was 107/77.  I made a video and posted it to Facebook while I was waiting (below, and remember to turn the volume WAY UP) and it prompted a phone call request from Child #3 who lives in a small town in North Carolina that I jokingly call "Mayberry."  When we finally talked to each other later in the evening, I had to reassure him that no, I'm not sick, and yes, that's Mickey Mouse.

 

  VIDEO

 

On the way home, I went to Aldi and then Trader Joe's, had the aforementioned phone conversation with Child #3, and snuggled on the couch with Shilo to watch TV. I managed to stay up, and picked Stitch up from work, took my meds, and went to bed, where I slept until about 2:30 AM, and then woke up, unable to sleep. Not sure when I fell back asleep, but Sunshine and Shilo had a long talk about heaven knows what.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday February 7 Diary (Super Bowl)

Went to bed at 5:45, fell asleep shortly after, but woke up screaming at about 7:30. I have night terrors, sometimes, but not always, accompanied by bad dreams. There was lots of blood and violence in the dream which really had me worked up, and not in a good way. I snuggled closer to Shilo and fell back asleep.

Woke up again at around 10:45, and played HOF. Shilo briefly woke up at 11:15, and I asked him if he saw the chart, and then told him it was for accountability.  He grunted, rolled over, and went back to sleep. He awoke again at noon and left the bedroom at 12:15 after I reminded him about the chart. 

Stitch came into the bedroom and we discussed his lunch for work and me driving him to work. I decided that I would go check on "E" after I drop him off.  She called me last night because she had some confusion about a few things, and I'm a little concerned, so a stop there is pretty much necessary.

Out of bed about 12:30. Did the usual bathroom activities and then fixed my breakfast (Cheerios with freeze dried strawberries and unsweetened iced tea) I tried to update the layout of my blog and finally quit in frustration and left to take Stitch to work at 1:35. I called "E" on the drive, and told her I was heading over and explained why. Naturally, she had NO recollection of last night, and I spent much of the call trying to reassure her that it was a part of the brain chemistry changes, and that she didn't need to apologize for her behavior because it wasn't like she was doing this on purpose.

Dropped Stitch at work at 1:55, and arrived at "E's" at 2:15. I reassured her that I was taking care of the bills and she had nothing to worry about. I'm starting to think that maybe she needs more frequent face to face check-ins, but she's not good about maintaining social distancing, and I can not afford to get sick. She worries about EVERYTHING, and I keep telling her that I have her stuff under control. Sure, my stuff is horribly disorganized, but all her stuff is organized to a fault.  It's just how I am. Left her place at 3PM, then went to Albertsons to grab a few items. It was surprisingly uncrowded and I was third in line for the express checkout. By the time I left, there was a line to get into the store, and there were 15 people in line for express. I guess I was lucky.

I got home at 3:45, and tried to stay awake for the game, but finally decided to take a nap instead at 4:30. I was up at 6:30, so I didn't miss too much, judging by the score. I had planned on burritos for dinner, only to discover way too late that there were no tortillas. I stuffed the filling in warmed pita bread. It was okay.

I decided to try updating my blog layout again while absentmindedly playing HOF at a lower level. Both items were successful, and I'm rather pleased with the new layout. I also updated the layout on "Mistress Merry's Musings" before leaving at 10:48 to get Stitch from work. I arrived at 11:02

Stitch didn't come out until 11:07, and we went straight home, although I did think about stopping at a drive through and getting a chocolate shake. Arrived home at 11:25, came in and watched a few episodes of "Murphy Brown" with Shilo,  took my meds, and after he went to bed, I watched the earlier recording of "The Late Show Super Bowl Special" and kind of nodded off on the couch. Got up, took my blood sugar (211) and copy/pasted this here. Off to bed at 2:30AM.

 

Accountability Is a VERY GOOD Thing

 I tend to share the good things, not so much the bad or ugly. Okay, well MAYBE sometimes I do, but it's time. Yesterday was the 16 year anniversary of my bio mother's death. She was 60 years old, and she gave birth to me when she was 16. I'm 59, and will turn 60 in July. More and more lately, I ask myself questions I can't answer, and the pandemic has me losing track of things.

Very early in my relationship with Shilo, I encouraged him to write a journal so he could express himself, and over the past 7+ years, it has evolved along with our relationship and marriage. It started as a communication tool, and has mostly become an accounting of his activity. I rarely comment, but I do read it. It makes "Remember when?" conversations a whole lot easier.

This is an introduction to what will become my daily journal. I'm not going to announce this fact to others. In fact, I prefer that this is discovered by people who prefer the mundane and boring aspects of my life. So, I started writing this entry at 3:45AM PST partially because I couldn't sleep. it's my own fault. I've been feeling crummy lately, and took a loooong nap around 4PM yesterday, so of course I can't sleep!

Okay, here goes!

It was well past midnight when I finally watched SNL on the DVR.  I wasn't always a fan of it, but I've been watching it on a semi-regular basis over the past few years.  I also played both "Lily's Garden" and "Penny & Flo: Finding Home." Both games are made by Tactile, a company in Denmark.  Both of them have an interesting storyline, and Sunshine likes the video games associated with it. I tend to get more involved with the story. About 3:15, I left the comfort of the couch to put dishes in the dishwasher, and realized it was already almost full, so it's running while I'm writing. It will have to be emptied and refilled before I can even think about joining Shilo in bed.  Speaking of Shilo, he said something last night that rubbed me the wrong way, and I voiced my displeasure. Once I expressed my displeasure, I went about my evening.  I tend to not hold grudges very long, especially with Shilo and Stitch. I mean, we live together, and it's not conducive to any of us if grudges are held . Unfortunately for Shilo, he's one of those people who WILL hold a grudge and stay angry for a long while, and his silence and sullen moods are things I deal with on a too-regular basis. Stitch is more like me when it comes to anger or displeasure. He does it, he'll feel bad, apologize if necessary (or I will apologize) and we're back to being okay.

A strange/funny thing about Shilo is that he will white knight on behalf of Stitch, but he forgets that I will tell him (Shilo) my feelings about something just so I can work through it and then move on.  It's not like I have an active  social life anymore. It's mostly just the 3 of us, Donna Dawg-Lass, and Buddha the cat. Sunshine comes and goes as she sees fit, and then there's "E" my sister with dementia, and she seems to be falling further down the rabbit hole, but she knows to call me if and when she needs a reality check. 

Yes, I'm polyamorous, and I do have my boyfriend "B" and a casual loving relationship with a transgender woman (Let's call her "T") that I knew prior to all the changes (When "she" was "he") but getting to see "B" hasn't been easy, and the last time I saw "T" was in early 2020 Pre-COVID. I was supposed to be with "B" this weekend but his wife got food poisoning, so it will wait. I do have plans to see "T" later in the month after she gets her second vaccine.

I just emptied the dishwasher, and will reload it after I finish this. It's 5AM right now. I type slowly. 

Anyway, before I filled the dishwasher, I made an Activity Chart for Shilo and myself. It's just a list of things we have to do (taking  a walk, etc) and we initial in the box corresponding to the day we do it. Shilo might not like it, but having something to account for myself will make me more likely to do things. Let's see how it goes.

I think I'll reload the dishwasher and head to bed.